Friday, January 6, 2012

Purpose and Back story: My Tin Vagina

MRKH
So, I’ve been thinking a lot about my vagina, and I don’t have a vagina. So, that’s one of the thoughts. Ya see, I have MRKH. I’m not a transsexual man. I’m not a hermaphrodite. I’m just a chick without a vagina. Seems like an oxymoron. It isn’t, but sometimes it feels like it is. I’ve been wanting to blog about my MRKH for a really long time and I think this is the perfect time. I’ve found a few good blogs out there but I don’t feel like anyone is in my particular situation, and I wanted to share the journey, and hopefully get some comments and support and give support and all that jazz.

So that’s the purpose and here’s the story. The back stories of MRKH ladies all seem pretty similar. I found out that I had MRKH when I was 15 and didn’t have a period. I really have to admit that I wasn’t super shocked. I was hurt but I feel like a little part of me always new. Like my brain knows to tell my heart to beat, and it also knew that I didn’t have a uterus or a vagina. It just didn’t tell me.


Sometimes I feel like my body is a costume and that it’s not part of me. It’s just what I wear around. It’s like Darth Vader or Robocop. Like some weird cyborg, robot suit thing that I wear that functions and keeps me alive.


 When I was a kid, sometimes I would stick a baby doll under my shirt and pretend that I was pregnant, but most of the time I would play orphanage. All the best kid characters are orphans and I picked that up early on. So, even as a little kid, adoption was a huge part of my psyche.   

Now, I’m not saying that MRKH is no big deal or that it didn’t affect me, just because I felt 2% comfortable with my infertility. I’m only 2% comfortable with it.  MRKH for me, has had a total sleeper affect. I have found a way to make everything else in my life so much more important than MRKH that I have been able to almost completely ignore it for…drum roll…10 years!!!!!!

I should win an award. A 10 year anniversary of denial award. Ok, I just googled it, and that’s the Tin anniversary. That’s a pretty crappy award. I was hoping this was a bigger deal. YAY me! The Tin Vagina award. Gross.

Well, on the 10 year anniversary I’ve decided to take care of business and deal with this oddity. Yep, if you’re guessing that means that I’m going to start dilating you’re right! If you’re shocked to learn that I am 25 years old, and still have no vagina, and have not bought or made one, well screw you. I have a Tin Vagina award. What do you have? Talk to me when you have a Silver Vagina
 (that’s 25 years. I’ll be impressed then)

So, my next post will hopefully be soon. I’m going to try to share a little bit about the past and then talk about the future, how I’m dealing with things, what’s coming up in my life, and how things are changing.
Follow me on the path!

Follow me…I wonder if I should get a MRKH Twitter??? hmmmm